


Too Scared

by Cora_knight_of_breath



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-09-14
Packaged: 2017-12-26 14:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cora_knight_of_breath/pseuds/Cora_knight_of_breath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[So, this is a new style of writing that came to me while reading "A Realm of Possibilities." I figured I wanted to try it out.<br/>It's a birthday present for a very important friend of mine who means a lot to me. Her birthday was yesterday, but I couldn't write her anything or sing to her since I was at a friend's.<br/>So...happy birthday to her. (: I hope her birthday was fantastic in every way possible.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Scared

She doesn't realize how perfect she is. She doesn't realize how much she means to me.

She says hello, and I say it back. I laugh as she does. I smile when she speaks. Just one word and I'm hooked.

I can't focus on anyone around me.

Pesterchum beeps off my phone nonstop, even during school. I love it, though. I love constantly talking to her.

"Hey, John," she says.

And I'm unable to remember what is going on at that moment. I am just aware of her.

Then my school changes. I have to warn her that I'll be without internet for a while. I'm scared of not being able to talk to her.

"It's fine," she says, adding a smiley face after it. I can just imagine her perfect smile. She hates it, but I love it. "I'll talk to you as soon as you can again."

I give her my phone number, though. I tell her she can text me if she wants to. I immediately get a text.

"Hey, John," she says.

My face lights up. I see my dad shoot me an inquisitive glance, but I pay no mind to it. I just text back eagerly. Our conversation flows, and I can't picture everything except her voice. That one part of her I've never witnessed. I've seen her smile, her beautiful black hair, her face when she laughs or does something silly. It's fantastic. I just want to hold that last bit, though.

A few weeks pass. We spend almost every day texting as I unpack my boxes, watching summer fade away. She is my break from insanity of knowing no one. She is everything I want. She is everything I need. She is what I hate to see gone. She is what I hate to see missing. She is what I hate to be without.

I love her.

I'm scared to tell her. I'm scared about how she'll react. I want to keep her near me as close as I can.

I'm scared to tell her...

What if she decides it's odd? What if she stops talking to me? What if she just ignores my presence?

She is all I have when Dave, Rose, and Jade are busy. As we grow older, they all ignore me anyway. They move on from Pesterchum.

But she stays with me.

She doesn't leave me.

She is my light and she stays with me. It's almost like I can reach through my screen and grab her. Almost like I can pull her from whatever sadness she suffers through and pull her close. I love her so much.

And it hurts.

We can't be next to each other. We can't hold each other. We can't kiss or hear voices. We can't sneak out late and spend time together. We can't just say, "Let's watch a movie." We can't go any further than these screens that connect us.

So, every night during the summer I lay in bed, dreaming of being able to see her. I watch her speek, and I know what she says, but I can't actually hear her voice. I hate it. I love her so much...

My phone beeps on the last day of summer. "I'm sorry."

My heart races. I'm scared. Just two words and a realm of possibilities flood through my mind. "What happened? What's wrong?"

We talk until my alarm goes off. Even though it's going off, I keep talking as I get ready for school. I try and distract her from any unhappiness. She tells me that she's sitting in the main entrance of her school, wishing she could disappear. I tell her I'm entering mine, wishing I could be there.

Then I do something I never thought I'd do...

I turn and crouch down in front of her, a soft smile on my face. "Hey," I say.

She looks up from her phone, a bit confused. She seems to think she is imagining it, as she starts wiping her eyes. A few tears pour over and before I know what I'm doing, I have her wrapped in my arms awkwardly on the floor and I'm kissing the top of her head.

I may be too scared to say I love her...but at least I can't finally hold her.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy belated birthday, [bud](Dallassblog.tumblr.com)


End file.
